The Psychology Behind Effective Mentorship In Tech – PART 2: Building and Sustaining Meaningful Relationships
Mentorship goes beyond a simple exchange of knowledge or career advice and is often portrayed as a one-time exchange: a seasoned professional shares wisdom and a mentee absorbs it. However, the reality is far richer. Effective mentorship is an ongoing relationship that thrives on mutual respect, integrity, and commitment to growth.
It's a dynamic, evolving relationship founded on trust, respect, and shared growth. While initial stages naturally focus on setting expectations and addressing immediate needs, the real value emerges from nurturing this relationship over time. Yet many mentorships end prematurely due to miscommunication, unfulfilled expectations, or self-serving behavior.
In this second part of the series, we'll explore how to sustain mentorship relationships, avoid common pitfalls, and build connections that stand the test of time. We'll also examine the critical role of integrity in ensuring both parties benefit without compromising their reputations.
Why Sustaining Relationships Matters
Consider Jane, a junior developer who seeks guidance from Alex, a senior engineer, about her software development career path. Alex helps by both recommending key technical skills and reviewing her personal projects. Through this mentorship, Jane gains confidence and eventually lands a position as a backend engineer.
In this scenario, Alex’s guidance has not only helped Jane grow but also created a ripple effect. Jane, inspired by her journey, may now mentor others, while Alex builds a reputation as someone who empowers future leaders.
Mentorship, when sustained, can transform into a network of lifelong connections. It’s not just about immediate outcomes but about building a foundation of trust and collaboration. The tech industry is built on connections and community. While mentorship provides immediate knowledge and guidance, lasting relationships open doors to future collaborations, opportunities, and shared achievements.
However, sustaining relationships takes effort. It’s not just about occasional check-ins or simple thank-you notes. It requires intentionality (genuine commitment), mutual respect, and a commitment to growth.
The Pitfall of Opportunism
Opportunism is where one party tries to gain maximum benefit at every chance they get without giving back. This is a common challenge in mentorship relationships. While this behavior can surface in any relationship, professional or personal, let's focus on how it manifests in mentorship:
Scenario 1:
The Mentee’s Perspective
David, a fresh graduate, constantly asks his mentor for job referrals without updating them on his progress or thanking them for their efforts. He only reaches out when he faces problems he can't solve or when he needs something. Over time, the mentor feels used and withdraws.
Scenario 2:
The Mentor’s Perspective
Sarah, a mentor, uses her mentee to complete unpaid tasks for her projects without providing recognition or learning opportunities. The mentee feels exploited and disengages.
These scenarios demonstrate how opportunistic behavior erodes trust and damages reputations. Even a promising mentorship can deteriorate when either party prioritizes personal gain over mutual growth.
How to Sustain Meaningful Mentorship Relationships
For Mentees
Show Gratitude
Express gratitude to your mentor for their time and guidance. When they help you prepare for a technical interview, follow up to share the outcome and explain how their advice influenced your performance.
Respect Their Time
Mentors are often busy professionals. Avoid excessive demands by preparing specific, thoughtful questions instead of vague requests like, “Can you teach me everything about DevOps?”
Keep Them Updated
Mentors want to see you grow. Share your achievements, challenges, or how their advice has shaped your decisions. For example, “Thanks to your recommendation, I completed a course on system design, and it’s already helping me in my current project.”
Give Back Where You Can
Even as a mentee, you can add value. Share industry news, offer to help with tasks, or simply listen when they need to vent about challenges. Also, don't assume your mentor is wealthy or doesn't need opportunities, if you spot an opportunity that suits them or a potential collaboration, share it. These gestures go a long way.
DON’T CUT THEM OFF!!!
One of the worst things you can do as a mentee is to treat your mentor as disposable. Opportunists often disappear after gaining what they want, but this behavior damages your reputation and dishonors the relationship.
Stay in touch with your mentor even after achieving a milestone. Share your progress, mention their impact in your posts or discussions, and publicly acknowledge their contributions when appropriate. For instance, “Thanks to you, I was able to crack my first DevOps role, your guidance was invaluable!”
Not only does this build goodwill, but it also ensures they’re more likely to offer help or opportunities in the future. Conversely, cutting ties abruptly may discourage them from mentoring others, knowing their efforts could go unappreciated.
Honor the relationship, and you’ll leave a lasting positive impression.
For Mentors
Set Clear Boundaries
At the start, clarify your availability and the scope of your mentorship. For instance, “I’m happy to help with career advice, but I may not have time for weekly check-ins.”
Focus on Growth
Instead of solving every problem for your mentee, guide them to find their solutions. For example, if they ask how to debug an issue, suggest tools or frameworks they can explore.
Celebrate Their Wins
Acknowledging milestones, such as landing a new job or completing a project, can deepen the relationship. A simple note like, “I’m proud of how far you’ve come!” can mean a lot.
Avoid Exploitation
If you’re involving your mentees in projects, ensure they gain meaningful experience or recognition. For example, “I’d like your input on this proposal. I’ll credit you for your contribution when presenting it.”
Building a Mentorship Legacy
Effective mentorship creates a ripple effect. A mentor who empowers a mentee fosters a culture of support, where the mentee eventually passes on their knowledge to others.
Take, for example, a mentee who grows into a team lead. They might mentor junior developers in the same way they were mentored, spreading knowledge and creating a supportive environment for growth. This cycle of mentorship strengthens not only individual careers but the tech community as a whole.
A successful mentorship relationship is a two-way street that requires commitment from both sides. Mentors and mentees must bring respect, dedication, and openness to growth to the partnership. When both parties avoid opportunistic behavior and focus on mutual growth, the relationship naturally develops into a meaningful, enduring connection.
Whether you're a mentor guiding the next generation or a mentee seeking direction, remember this: mentorship isn't a transaction, it's a partnership. With the right mindset, it can become one of the most rewarding experiences in your tech journey.
Link to the prevoius article(PART 1)